why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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