it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
