You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
