I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
this hospital has no fireball
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
