I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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