i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Green mimosas i think yes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
