How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
