did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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