Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
