apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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