What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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