Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are a genius and a whore.
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