so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
