i don't like sucking hair
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
