You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
