ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
