He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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