The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
