do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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