I think I died a long time ago.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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