I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
