Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
