I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
