So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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