College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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