Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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