Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Your tits are I can't wait for
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize