you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
