I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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