dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
