I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
