He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
