Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
