Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
