Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
