Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
