she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
