When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
