She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
