another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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