sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Barsexuality is the new black.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
