It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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