It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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