At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
