2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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