i think i have herpe
just one?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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