I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
