You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
