Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
