We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
