His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
