so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize