mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
