I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
