i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's the barista slut.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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