I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
