Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
even my farts smell like vagina
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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