it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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