I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
as a side note pls kill me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
