just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
