so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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