I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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