i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Two words: blizzard sex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
