don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
