I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
