she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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