those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
