his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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