true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm at about main and main street
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
