mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
