I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm at about main and main street
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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