I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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