he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
