just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
