I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
