Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it because I queefed?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
