you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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