you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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