Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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