It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I died a long time ago.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
