and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
