Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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